i've done this blogging thing before, and it went...not great. mainly because i'm exceptionally lazy and couldn't be bothered to actually turn off my melissa and joey marathon and continue to blog. but here i am again, fired up and raring to go! this time is different, i swear. pretty much because i have an elaborate daydream in which this blog is a vehicle that drives me to finding fame and fortune and emma stone plays me in the movie version. i'm not getting any younger over here (in fact, i'm getting old. i've hit the mid-twenties. is there anything more depressing?), i have a masters degree but i don't make enough money to move out of my mom's house, and i just ate chocolate frosting for breakfast. so things are bleak house around these parts. i really need some sort of life-altering judd-apatow-calls-and-wants-to-make-a-show-about-my-life-and-its-so-much-better-than-girls type thing. so the blog! all both of you are so lucky to join me in the depths of twenty first century despair. before i get to the serious blogging (by which i mean a lot of commentary on inconsequential pop culture happenings, poetic waxings about television love stories, recaps of made for tv movies, and excessive amounts of fashion commentary from a girl who is currently wearing a gray suit), you should probably know what you are getting into. below, please find my very real (and assuredly absurd) list of interests that will most likely garner me a life with fifty cats and no human companion, as it appears as though i am not and cannot be a serious human being.

 - stalking celebrities for hours on end via twitter, and growing exceptionally too excited when i realize that two celebs are friendsies in real life.
 - sharpies
 - hand-washing dishes, and singing Impossible from the Brandy version of cinderella as I do so.
 - simultaneously spewing hate at Twilight while memorializing True Blood in the most reverent way possible: a drinking game (drink every time Bill swoops in all broody and breathes "sookay!"
 - relating every event that happens to me or anyone i know to an episode of a television show.
 - any and all cheese product (or, full disclosure, cheese flavored product)
 - harry potter. like, so hard. sometimes i just want to cry because i know i'm a stupid worthless muggle. - fictional epic love stories (ross and rachel, elizabeth bennet and mr. darcy, lucas and peyton)
 - north east portland.
 - the constitution
 - planning ways to move to london and bed ron weasley.
 - watching the Sound of Music and reciting every single line of the entire movie
 - pool talk
 - trivia competitions, and pbr
 - skeletons and bones
 - extreme unresolved sexual tension on television shows
 - binge drinking
 - five dollar footlongs
 - anything that ever airs on tlc, with particular attention paid to Toddlers & Tiaras, I Didn't Know I was Pregnant, and shamefully, the Duggars.
 - thrice named nerds: matthew gray gubler, john francis daley
 - rage dancing around my room to k. clark's My Life Would Suck Without You. daily occurrence
 - classic TGIF programming
 - guacamole, on everything
 - puns
 - reading aloud to myself, with voices, in a hammock
 - babies. and daydreaming about becoming a nanny for a celebrity baby, like, oh say, Louis Bullock
 - reveling in the intricacies of Pretty Little Liars plotlines.
 - watching and commentator-ing professional gymnastics
 - amelia earhart and theories on her disappearance
 - giving superbly witty and moving acceptance speeches for both Emmys and Oscars in my shower
 - diagnosing myself with various terminal illnesses with the help of webmd
 - subsequently planning my funeral menu
 - girl crushing on amy poehler, busy philipps, zooey deschanel, emma stone, and sandra bullock
 - man crushing on aziz ansari, adam scott, john francis daley, joshua jackson, and andrew garfield
 - omar little.
 - planning myriad ways to infiltrate the friendship of amy poehler and tina fey so that we can become threesies besties
 - watching classic british cinema (bridget jones, love actually, downton abbey) in order to perfect my british accent
 - wii bowling
 - making playlists with titles such as "probably heard on the WB" (RIP) and "i wanna dance with someBODY, wanna feel the heat..."
 - corrupting the youth of america, one preschooler at a time
 - consuming exorbitant amounts of otter pops in a single sitting
 - soccer, a lot
 - the Internet Movie Data Base
 - painting my nails somewhat obsessively
 - the confederacy. not in a racist way, but in a more anthropological study way. the confederacy fascinates me like whoa
 - anytime there is a spontaneous singing/dance party where everyone magically knows the words and moves.
 - watching entire seasons of television shows with alarming alacrity
 - attempting to set my father up with chelsea handler
 - slamming chocolate/peanut butter combos into my face with reckless abandon
 - making lists.